I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
