the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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