She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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