you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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