Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
