I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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