Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
