I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
