So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
