I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
