He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
