these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
