So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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