i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
