Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
thus making me awesome and them whores
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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