Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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