I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
