Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
