i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
