She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
