i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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