i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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