i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
