the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
