I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
