Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
