he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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