Your dad touched me again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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