i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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