the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
should my penis look like a turkey
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
