I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
