We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
