I hate all girls vehemently.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
