i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this boner is exhausting
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
