He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
