As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
