It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
