he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
