ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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