My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
