i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
