I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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