Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
