im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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