I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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