What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
