remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
