she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
