Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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