Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
