Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
