I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
