In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
