yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
